FRAMLINGHAM, SUFFOLK – Infamous Suffolk farmer Graeme Diggard, renowned for his eccentric agricultural experiments, has once again captured headlines by accidentally breeding a pint-sized cow. Farming Correspondent (intern): Ivor Traktor Suffolk farmer Diggard, a god in Suffolk farming circles, spent the past two decades diligently stretching his cattle to extraordinary lengths, resulting in a remarkable […]
PUBLIC TOILETS, LOWESTOFT – In a fresh attack on the cowed men of Britain, feminist extremists on Suffolk Council have unveiled new “transgender toilets” on the Lowestoft seafront. However, the provocative public lavatories are causing more discomfort than convenience, particularly for male users. Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred He-Wee The controversy surrounds large printed images of […]
MANCHESTER, TENNESSEE – Cardi B, suffered a bum rap rip after a major wardrobe malfunction left her audience with a front-row view of her anus. Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint The 26-year-old sensation, known for her electrifying performances. Twerked with such vigour at the Bonnaroo Arts and Music Festival that her jumpsuit ripped in time with […]
FELIXSTOWE, SUFFOLK – In a galaxy not that far away, the fate of a beloved droid has taken a tragic turn as the legendary Star Wars R2-D2 has been discovered unceremoniously dumped in a scrap metal yard on the industrial wasteland of Felixstowe, Suffolk. The once illustrious robot, known affectionately as Artoo-Detoo, has captured the […]
In a dramatic Six Nations 2024 showdown, Ireland emerged victorious against a Scottish team which entered the Dublin Aviva Stadium dressed in ballerinas’ tutus instead of their sports kit. Football Correspondent: Bernie Legg Date 16th March 2024 – SIX NATIONS Ireland 17 Scotland 13 Tries: Sheehan, Porter HT 7-6 Try: Jones Pen: Crowley […]
LAKE LOTHING, LOWESTOFT – In the latest twist to the ongoing saga of the construction of the new Gull Wing bridge in Lowestoft. Suffolk Council has announced further delays due to an unexpected issue: the color of the bridge. Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred According to hard-hatted Chief Building Supervisor, Lorraine Fisher, 34, the bridge arrived […]
ILFORD, ESSEX – A team of archaeologists in Ilford, Essex, has unearthed 3,000-year-old stone figures of Barbie & Ken. Depicting ancient Suffolk hut-dwellers who embarked on an unexpected journey far beyond their county borders. Angling Correspondent: Courtney Pike The figures, standing approximately 25cm in height, portray a male and female (Barbie & Ken) with explicit […]
HEMLEY, SUFFOLK – Sainsbury’s Local, shoppers were taken aback to find “experienced bananas”. Being sold for a mere 25p per pound from a makeshift bargain bin shopping trolley. Farming Correspondent (intern): Ivor Traktor While the discounted fruit sparked a mad scramble among regular customers eager for a bargain. many couldn’t help but question the meaning […]